mouth full of greed

you want everything

stop

bitchhh

same old

same old thing

they all want everything

sluts

Forgotten in time

I have been used abused not trusting

he measured me

claimed my self doubt issues.

i will kill him if he lives

find him.

seriously.

I wish I could say everything

that is too hard

too much

We always knew, always

I will never forget that New Years

You, Davey

You begged me to say

I was so young 

you poured your heart out to me

I was so young

Becky was getting beat

I wanted you to stop it

your mind was on me

She was screaming

you left us

I walked home 

heard her parents screaming

some guy said

"hey girl, you over 18"

fuck you!

no

I just want davey.

You're just gone and it's not fair

I guess our love is secret forever

forever, in our hearts

I wanted to be with you

all of the way

you loved me all of the way

you fought for me

you knew me

I knew you you

We heard each others hearts that day

you died

  I will never be the same

without you, I cry and cry.

I read all of your letters from that time

I'm such a bitch

you wanted me so bad

I wanted you

I gave up when you moved

it broke my heart not seeing you

breathing you

teasing you

I remember everything about you

you stroke my cheek that day

I betrayed for you

I needed you

always needed you

 you are scarring up my heart

fake friend

I only needed a thrill

don't shut me out like you do

I'm still here

I still wait

I'm still here

Sometimes your heart just wraps around another

not my fault

not my smile

not me

your letters are gold to me

my heart is open

scarred

remembering is hard

I get taken to a place of hurt

I deny

I left you scared

you left me scarred
you left me 

I was terrible

I led you along

I didn't realize till after that you and i belong

we made crazy love

we made deceitful love

you and I

I remember New Years

you made your intentions clear

I was scared

I was young

I wish I would have kissed your mouth

you left me there

I wish I would have kissed your mouth

I walked the Butte streets home alone.

I don't like to think about it.

you were mad

you died

I keep our feelings locked inside,

nobody knows this pain

I hurt so bad

I cry alone

I deny

I miss you

voices complicate things\

just be yourself

fuck

you're annoying me

yourself

yourself

yourself.

You suck

remember when i was there..

muck

stuck

fuck

I was there

remember when you needed

I was there

I still exist.

I'm the one.

you double suck.

for pretending I don't exist

you triple suck.

I was there.

I am right here.

I suck.

Dad

I used to have those nightmares and cry in my bed.

You would kiss me and say;
 just think of angels baby,
 they protect you,

they are all around you,
they are kissing you.

You always knew the right things to say.

My mind was full of angels and magic and make believe.
You taught me what is was to dream
To make the best out of everything.
To say fuck you and mean it.
You taught me to believe in myself unconditionally.
That I have the power to my own destiny.
I was a little girl with meaning.
My dad was amazing.
 We would dance in circles and sing

I was living a dream.

Music was everything.

With purple elephants crashing.

and leprechauns laughing,

and your eyes twinkling.

Music was everything.

There was a blizzard that February day,

when our angels came and took you away. 
I was so scared to say goodbye,
I secretly begged for you to give it just one more try.
But, you were so sick.
And, you were so tired, Daddy.
So, we let the angels light you.
We all held hands and watched
you take that last breath.

You took the picture I made you off the wall. 

In that way you said good bye to us all.
One of our angels you are now.
We all suffered on our own for you.
I'm not scared anymore, dad
I know you 
You are my angel now.

You were light when you stole my dreams that night.

That night I heard my brother cry.

You said "I'm okay" right to my face.

"I'm in a good place".

I know it's true, but I still miss you.

I still get blue,

I still cry, 

I still miss you.

Night Thinking

It always comes at night
in the darkness,
in the emptiness.
I'm in love with the feeling I have depended on for so long
Inspire me.
Desire me.
Waste my thoughts on your existence.
show me the reason for this ache,
this hate,
this love,
this fucking rape of my mind.
I am lost.